i do not wish to think of myself as special.. but when i listen to stories of my peers.. I somehow feel that my family ties are still different in a way...
JJ commented that my relationship with my mum is very tense... and i know mr boy looks at me in a different way after he found out the very strained family ties I have...
then I realised... it's more or less related to the environment..
i think everyone in my family carries a very heavy burden and responsibility that stresses them out more than most ordinary people..
last time, I would be very affected by everything and get very upset but still not do anything..
but hmm.. the talk with my t42 mentor and the helsman report kinda changed my perspective... the advice to reflect on my life and take calculated steps is essential for progress, development and most importantly if i want a change.. I would never be able to fully describe the situation I'm in and how it stresses and drains me out emotionally.. i never was an expressive person and i never had the habit of showing people how much i cared for them even in my heart i did...
in my family it's the same thing.. prolly related to the way im brought up and stuff... showing care in the most direct way seemed awkward... recently i realised i tended to express care and concern using my actions.. last time when the volcano erupts.. i would just hide in my room and blast my music.. yet in my heart i knew i was extremely fearful.. i stepped out of my room today and did something that changed things...
but still.. i'm seriously pissed at my sister's apathy and selfishness... it takes a lot to keep the family in one piece.. and it's no mean feat to us especially.. switching on the washing machine and washing her own plate and cup can be so difficult for her... it's such a simple task she can't do and it seriously pisses me off big time.. she's no difference from a free-loader who treats this home as a hotel... even my 5-yr old brother folds the clothes... i really think this is getting more and more absurd and outrageous of her..
There's certain things that i cannot change... i really blame it on my hectic schedule for the coming weeks... my days from mon to fri are packed to the max... and i dont reach home till night... or else i swear i would definitely help out more.. plus the piling schoolwork and upcoming review week...
just count your blessings lah.. i cherish every single homecooked meal i have however simple it can be ever since my mum sacked the maid.. aft trng when i come back and see soup... it seriously is heartwarming..

even if the going gets tougher.. i won't give up... i wont care how others look at me cos i know everything that i do cannot be selfish...

my second t42 session is tmr=D mr boy is an extremely inspiring and principled person .. i would love to learn from his life experiences and personal advice he can give me..
and sheesh.. i swear the civics lesson freaked the lights outta me.... even jiemin was daoing me.. jaytee was talking back at me, leaving me like ?!?!?! my face turned beetroot.. but i wasn't abt to cry kay! not so weak(: well the acting was very convincing i must say... 06v11 is a very cute class...